In the past I was always the type who knew everybody for a few houses or apartments or whatever, in any direction. Then, we lived in Bluff’s Apartments in Council Bluffs. I did know most of the people in the building, including the crazy hot neighbor next door who, well, long stories there.
There was a group I hung out with a little from work directly across from us. There was also a group that knew the previously mentioned group, across the way to the left. That one I had been to probably five times total. But, the cops had visited my apartment at least twenty times asking questions about various happenings at that place. It was so tiring having to seriously convince police and show evidence even once that no, I wasn’t there, I didn’t see anything, I didn’t hear anything, I wasn’t even home when it happened. I Don’t know who kept telling them apparently I was best friends with two of the people who lived there. I wasn’t.
So, every time after that from 2005-2018, I actively tried to avoid meeting or talking to neighbors wherever i lived after. Even to the point, there was a super charming girl who lived up the street from my mom, who would stop her car and talk to me while I was mowing. Mowing. It’s hot and humid up there. So I was dirty and sweaty and really not in the mood to talk. But she’d often stop and say hi and talk for a period. She invited me to come up after I finished, have some tea, relax. I never knew exactly where she lived, though I’m sure I could figure it out considering about 2 blocks up the street was a dead end. The road did split into the last block, so essentially it would have only been 3 blocks total to look for her car. Like five seconds in my car, really. But no. I just didn’t want to. Totally burned out on drama.
So, moved to Phoenix in 2012. First thing I noticed was there are so many absolutely gorgeous people every six feet in this metro, I just, I don’t even. The first complex we lived in, an amazingly sweet and beautiful spanish woman lived under us. A mom with her prick of a prick son lived above us with his girlfriend who I have no fuck clue why she stayed with him, a terrible rapper producer across the wall behind us who NEVER FUCKING CLEANED AND WE HAD ROACHES EXCLUSIVELY BECAUSE OF HIM – and a dude who loved a fake marijuana i can’t recall the name of, spice? cool dude though, lived above and across from us. he’s the only person i really talked to more than three times because he’s the kind of social, you’re going to talk to him. haha.
Second place we lived out here, yuppy complex like crazy. It’s where I really started to notice, pretty much every race will say hi to each-other and to me mutually, but white people. I’m white, ok? bald motherfucker, white dude. Blue eyes, ok? But I swear, way too many white people all over the heavier populated parts of the metro, very rarely even make eye contact with other people they don’t know, or whatever the fuck the deal is. I’d sit around various spots and just watch it. But other races for the vast majority, social as hell. Maybe something happened here before I moved here that I don’t know about. Sheriff Joe? Who the fuck knows. I don’t know. But I barely almost started talking to this awkward blonde who took her dog do the dog park we lived right next to 90x a day. Just, kept to myself. Even though there was an exhibitionist nude chick who lived next to us the last few months which, naked with a huge smile, I VERY consciously tried to ignore hahahaha. Just, didn’t want to know. She could be cool as shit, just proud of her amazing body and wanted the whole world to see through her open ground level windows hahhahahaha. whatever. anyway.
So, then we move out of town, 3rd place in the metro, by sun city of all places. Fuck. We had generally lived in pretty college centered places so far. Colleges saturating all over the two places. But this third place? Naw. Not really anywhere near. It was all old detached people for the most part.
Typing that I remembered something I brought up just a couple months into living in Arizona. We all worked with mostly people from out of town. But, all of us also had a couple people we worked with who had grown up here. We also had been networking and meeting people out and about – talking to people at grocery stores and shit. Trying to learn about the area and get a feel for shit. Very different place here in many ways.
I asked if my brother in law and wife had noticed how easy it is to tell if somebody we just met a few minutes into the conversation was raised here, or moved here from elsewhere. Not because of dialect or accents or anything like that. It was almost exclusively because after just 10 or 15 sentences, you’ll hear at least two or three things from locals that makes your brain go “….. what? the fuck? did you just say?” and you ask a question like, “did you just say you took the bus because your socks were feeling good and you wanted to sit instead of walk six blocks because your socks felt good on your feet?” *ACTUAL. FUCKING. CONVERSATION.* and yeah. totally what they said. apologetically. And that was the first signal something was a little off. Then that example later said something about wishing she could, i forget, something super basic on every phone, even iphones. and i was like, can i see your phone? did it in like 2 seconds, and OMG I DIDN’T’ KNOW IT DID THAT
Yeah. We thought for a while, maybe we’re just having bad luck meeting a bunch of stupid fucking locals. It became a game for us. After a few years we just settled in to, yeah, the vast majority of people raised here in the areas we lived in (phoenix, tempe, mesa, tolleson, sun city, peoria) – real fucking brain dead.
Anyhow, now we had a big shock, 3rd place we lived. TRUMP, CITY. I know, this is a red state. Real red. A dumb fuck openly racist shit-stain like Sheriff Joe got reelected something like eight or nine trillion times. I shouldn’t be surprised. But I had never been surrounded by so many just, crazy crazy fucks, in my entire life. Just batshit crazy.
One dude who lived across and down a bit, I made the mistake of talking to him more than once. The third? or forth time? he was talking about those stupid fucking liberals and their gun hating ways. I let him talk a bit. He asked what my view was on it. I said, I don’t understand why media makes up so much shit about the left hating guns. He was like are you not paying attention? I combination started mocking the nonsense from the right about people wanting to take all guns away, and explaining that pretty much everyone i’ve ever met who’s a leftie either owns guns, loves guns, or respects them. I can count the people on the left i’ve met, out of the many thousands, who don’t want guns themselves ever, or want them banned, on two hands. Seriously, easily less than ten. Sure, seems like there are a ton online and if you listen to what the media says. But this is fucking America. Guns are everywhere. I love guns. You love guns. Your neighbors love guns.
But anyway. anywho, anyhow, it got to the point I don’t remember what I was saying but I remember he said “and what makes you so sure you can say all this shit and I won’t shoot you in the head?” and I confidently said “oh because you’re a good guy with a gun.”
He was in his 30s – his DAD told me he wasn’t going to be talking to me anymore lol. Just one of millions of examples – we know who the real snowflakes are.
So, needless to say I kept to myself as much as I could, even though I was surrounded by loud opinionated empty heads.
So, we made it to where we live now. A much less ridiculous place. Kids everywhere. So many fewer terrifying looking people lurking around in broad daylight 24/7. Tons of kids. Kids every three feet. All over. This was a big reason we chose here, because Lily is getting to the age she wants infinite friends. And there seemed to be infinite kids around here.
This took forever to write because my 3 year old is CRAZY hahahha… will continue tomorrow